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  • Linda DuToit, LPC

4 Myths About Self-Compassion

Updated: Jun 23, 2020

Do you thing self-compassion is for wimps? Guess again!!

4 Myths of Self-Compassion

4 Myths About Self-Compassion

The development of self-compassion is foundational to the building of healthy self-esteem. Because people sometimes have misconceptions about self-compassion, here is accurate information which addresses some of the incorrect ideas people have about this important concept.

1. Self-Compassion is for weaklings – I should be stronger. Practicing self-compassion makes us stronger and increases our ability to cope. Research shows that levels of self-compassion are predictors of the ability to cope and to bounce back. When we are kind towards and take care of ourselves, we are in a better position to help others.

2. We think we have to be tough on ourselves in order to stay motivated. Personal standards of people with self-compassion are just as high as for those who don’t. People with self-compassion don’t become nearly as upset when they fall short of their standards. Also, people with self-compassion feel and exhibit greater levels of competence. They also are less afraid of failure because they have faith in themselves.

3. Self-Compassion equals self-indulgence. When people meet their own emotional needs, they have more to give to others. Self-compassionate people have more time to give others because their emotional and mental tanks do not get depleted. They have better romantic relationships, more caring and supportive relationships, and more forgiveness. They have more compassion and empathy for others. Also, they tend to be less controlling and verbally aggressive. They are much better care-givers than those people with low or no self-compassion.

4. Self-compassionate people are lazy. Self-compassionate people engage in healthier behaviors because they want to take better care of themselves, and they have less preoccupation with body image. They exercise more, use less alcohol, and need less doctor visits. They are motivated to take care of themselves and often have a better immune system.

People with self-compassion know their limits, know how to care for themselves, and set limits with others. They are not taken advantage of because they know the importance of managing their resources and establishing their boundaries.

Self-compassion is an asset well worth developing and protecting. Self-compassion is the foundation upon which all other aspects of the SELF are based. The higher your level of self-compassion, the greater chance you have of developing healthy self-esteem.


Resource: Neff, Kristin. 2011. Self-Compassion – The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. Harper Collins: New York.

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